First of all, I would like to thank everyone who took the precious minutes of their lives to read my story and give some valuable feedback. As an aspiring writer, this means a lot to me and without any further ado, let’s jump into the second part
For the next couple of years, my world revolved around academics. Let me paint a picture for my international friends: in India, getting into a top engineering school requires taking a notoriously tough entrance exam. I can still recall those days of pouring 14-15 hours into studying, hoping for a slim chance at success. It’s a relentless battle where every moment counts, and relaxation feels like a luxury. But amidst the chaos, I triumphed. The joy of securing a spot in a prestigious institution was indescribable. Those four years became the cornerstone of my journey, where the innocent small-town kid within me discovered the value of true friendships, resilience, and the art of gracefully facing life’s relentless stream of rejections.
I still remember very vividly the first day I met Ritu. Slim, short, beautiful large eyes wearing a blue dress standing in front of me to register for freshmen classes. The moment my eyes stumbled upon her, the romantic in me woke up from a deep slumber and started to jump around. It’s this unusual feeling of happiness/excitement that I couldn’t explain except embrace. Some things are better to be felt than to rationalize.
I was too shy to strike any sort of initial conversation but it’s unlike the last time. we shared similar class and lab work schedules for a year, so plenty of opportunities, at least that’s what I thought. Back in the dorms, Friendships quickly form and we bond quickly over cricket, food, and conversations about girls. The naive kid in me started yapping about this girl without knowing the consequences. The first lesson of adulthood is that it’s not wise to open up to random strangers about inner feelings from the get-go. You will make yourself vulnerable.
In the first few encounters at classes and labs, I gathered up some courage to engage in small talk and she was quite happy to respond. She is from the neighboring region, speaks a different language, and loves to read and go for long walks in her free time. That few minutes of conversation used to brighten up my mood and that feeling persisted for the rest of the day. However, when I look back, I wish I had known the difference between someone being friendly with you and liking you and eventually I will learn it the hard way.
The yapping continues and everyone in my dorm comes to know that I like this girl and that’s never a good thing. The second lesson of my adulthood is that gossip can do some serious emotional damage to a person unknowingly if you don’t have emotional resilience. Everywhere I go, the conversation eventually finds its way about Ritu and for the first time in my life, I felt I may have shared way too much with people.
I and Ritu exchanged phone numbers and this was the era of phones with hard keyboards with message limits per day. The initial conversations were pretty much about academics and whenever I tried to diverge into other topics, she either responded late or did not respond at all. clues are all over the place but I was unable to read into it much clouded by my idea of infatuation and attraction.
I still remember that first awkward chat so clearly. It was a calm Wednesday morning, and we were stuck redoing some dull lab experiments. With time on our hands, we started chatting about our daily lives. Then, out of the blue, my buddy blurts out something about me liking Ritu right in front of everyone. Talk about awkward! Ritu and I were left squirming in our seats. Looking back, maybe I secretly hoped for that moment. She gave a polite smile, made a quick excuse, and darted off to chat with her pals from the neighboring group. I figured she was just shy, but turns out, she wasn’t interested in any romantic vibes from me. Wish I’d caught onto that sooner. Oh well, it’s all water under the bridge now. At least it gave me an interesting story to share.
Weeks passed, and I stumbled upon the news that her birthday was looming ahead. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I decided to make a grand gesture. Mind you, she had no idea what I was planning, but I saw it as my chance to grab her attention. Maybe it’s all those movies I grew up watching or the culture around me, but I believe in the power of grand gestures to win hearts. Little did I know then, that attraction doesn’t always follow logic. It either clicks or it doesn’t, regardless of how wonderful or kind you are. It’s either meant to be or it’s not.
From our few conversations, I managed to pick up on some of her interests. She had a thing for Cadbury chocolates and cuddly stuffed animals. The timing was perfect because Cadbury had just released a romantic chocolate box, so I jumped on it. Plus, I decided to get her a nice teddy bear, which meant scouring the whole town to find the perfect one. What I didn’t anticipate was how much it would cost me.
Considering my modest means, shelling out nearly 1000 rupees (equivalent to 15 euros) for just two gifts was a hefty sum. With my monthly allowance standing at 1500 rupees (about 20 euros), it was undeniably a tight squeeze. Yet, driven by determination, I resolved to do something utterly foolish. You see, most of my monthly budget typically went toward meals at the local cafeteria, for which I had to pay in advance. So, for the next two months, I made the audacious decision to switch to a pay-per-meal basis, surviving on just one meal a day instead of my usual three. In essence, I chose to deprive myself of sustenance to scrape together that precious 1000 rupees over the following two months.
The initial weeks were tough as hunger constantly gnawed at me, but gradually, I got used to it. Nobody knew about my self-imposed challenge except for one friend, who thought I was crazy. He didn’t understand how much I cared for her. Every time I imagined giving her those gifts, it helped distract me from my hunger. Those two months were really hard. I felt weak most of the time. But somehow, I managed to save up some money. As her birthday approached, I went to the store, heart pounding with anticipation. There, I bought the teddy bear, the chocolate box, and a card filled with my heartfelt wishes.
The big day finally arrived. As the clock struck midnight, my heart raced with anticipation. Summoning my courage, I dialed her number, venturing into uncharted territory with my first-ever phone call attempt. Yet, to my dismay, an automated voice informed me, “The call is busy. Please try again later.” It seemed someone had already reached out. Despite several more attempts, the line remained occupied. Disappointed, I sent her a message and waited anxiously for a reply.
An hour slipped by with no response. My mind raced with questions: Why isn’t she replying? Maybe she’s already asleep, or perhaps she saw the message and chose not to respond. Fuzzy thoughts filled my head, leaving me restless and uncertain. Seeking clarity, I reached out to a close friend who happened to live near her dorm. After some persuasion, she agreed to check on her for me. Perhaps sensing the longing in my voice, she strolled down the corridor and discovered her surrounded by friends, wide awake. It was evident she was popular. Though disappointed that I couldn’t reach her, a spark of anticipation for the coming day flickered within me. Tomorrow would mark a significant milestone as I embarked on my very first romantic gesture
I woke up early, put on the nice shirt my mom brought me, and asked me to wear for special occasions. I tucked it in and spent an hour or so in front of the mirror to groom myself and appear presentable. I went early to class hoping that I could give her my gift before the class began, but she wasn’t early. She came right on time. That 60 minutes of class felt like a lifetime, and as every minute passed by, my heart started racing faster. I didn’t know I could get that sweaty until that day. I was sitting there, anticipating all kinds of outcomes, but life surprises you in ways you will never imagine.
As the class came to an end and my classmates dispersed, I gathered my courage. Approaching her desk, I retrieved the chocolate box and teddy bear, my voice trembling as I called her name. “Ritu, Many happy returns of the day,” I managed, my words filled with uncertainty.
She turned to me, a faint smile playing on her lips. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Seizing the moment, I placed the gift on her desk, noting her full hands. “This is for you. Once again, happy birthday,” I stuttered before retreating to my seat. I resisted the urge to look back until I was seated, finding myself overwhelmed with a mix of hope and apprehension.
Yet, my hopes were dashed in an instant. Before I could process what had happened, my friend subtly signaled that she stood beside me. Confusion and disappointment mingled within me as I struggled to respond. “Rohith, I’m sorry. I can’t accept gifts from strangers,” she stated firmly, returning the gift to my desk before swiftly departing. I sat there, stunned and bewildered, trying to comprehend the sudden turn of events.
I didn’t know which hurt more: the rejection itself or the fact that she referred to me as a random person. The joy in my heart swiftly turned to sorrow, then simmered into anger. Despite my friend’s attempts to console me, I couldn’t bring myself to listen. As the last person to leave the classroom, my inner turmoil erupted outwardly. Snatching up the gift, I tore up the chocolate box hurled it into the bushes, and sprinted back to my dormitory as fast as my legs could carry me.
Once safely locked in my dorm room, I collapsed onto my bed, overwhelmed by a flood of tears. It was a depth of emotion I hadn’t experienced before. As I wept, the painful realization began to dawn on me: all those subtle hints, the signs that were clear from the beginning, pointed to the fact that she was never interested in me. I had built up this romantic fantasy in my mind, only to have it come crashing down. The more I acknowledged this truth, the more the tears flowed. Though I’ve faced greater hardships since, those few hours seemed to defy the passage of time, etched in my memory as a profound lesson in heartache.
Over the next couple of weeks, I found myself struggling to attend classes, overwhelmed by embarrassment, and unsure how to cope with rejection. Avoiding all lab sessions became a priority, as the thought of seeing her only intensified my feelings of embarrassment. As if that weren’t enough, the repercussions of my two-month stint of hunger strikes caught up with me, leaving me quite ill. I was forced to return home for a few weeks to recover. During this time of reflection, surrounded by the love and support of my family and friends, I found solace. Their care and encouragement played a crucial role in my recovery, both physically and emotionally, helping me navigate through the turbulent aftermath of rejection.
When I returned, I learned through a friend that she likes a guy from our class. They met through the dance club and have been dating for the last couple of months. Now, I know who beat me to giving her a call at midnight on her birthday. I know him personally, and although I was sad that she was never going to be in my life, I was also partly happy that she found a nice guy to be with.
College life carried on, and a few months later, I crossed paths with an amazing girl through my friend, and we ended up dating, and staying together for the next four and a half years. They say time heals all wounds, and indeed, it’s true. However, whenever I encountered Ritu over the next four years in college, I found myself unable to muster the courage to meet her gaze or engage in conversation. Perhaps time heals, but it undeniably leaves its mark.
In hindsight, I think this has nothing to do with Ritu. She was very clear from the beginning, and in some ways, she was very mature in handling this. If I put myself in her shoes, I would do the same. She didn’t ask for grand gestures; I wanted to give her one. I think I did everything because it made me feel good. I think this is the harsh truth I will learn to accept over the next few years. We do things for others because subconsciously it makes us feel good about ourselves. It overwhelms us with happiness and joy. Sometimes, it even made me question whether there are any selfless acts of love in this world, and I still wonder. Don’t get me wrong, selfishness doesn’t inherently mean bad. It’s an observation and just being more conscious about why we do what we do.
Recently, while in Hyderabad catching up with a friend, the topic of Ritu arose. Unbeknownst to me, my face lit up, a telltale sign that my friend surely noticed. Little did I know, the love that blossomed a decade ago between that dancing couple had only grown stronger with time and they are getting married soon. That filled me with immense joy and hope, for in a world where most college relationships fade as people evolve, theirs endured, standing the test of time. Playfully, I teased my friend about sending Ritu a box of Cadbury chocolates with my best wishes.
A decade has passed, marked by relationships, rejections, memories, and countless moments that have colored my life. Yet, amidst it all, this particular incident has profoundly shaped my perspective on relationships. I’m grateful to have experienced it so early in life, for it imparted the most valuable lesson: sometimes, our affection for others exceeds what they can reciprocate, and vice versa. It’s a bitter truth to swallow, yet entirely acceptable. The best course of action? To offer them heartfelt wishes for their happiness, to treasure the moments shared, and to be grateful for the love and affection received from others. Then, with hearts full of gratitude, we move forward, embracing the next adventure that awaits. For, indeed, once a hopeless romantic, always a hopeless romantic.
Little did I know, another five years would pass before I found myself entangled in a similar experience. But this time, the stage was set on the other side of the world. Stay tuned for the next installment, where I embark on a journey to impress a girl by whisking her away on a hot air balloon ride, offering panoramic views of the enchanting town of Bruges.